My CV of failures and what it taught me

When I have talked to people about starting this blog, quite a few have responded with the question, 'oh yes, is that like the CV of failures?'  The CV of Failures became well known last year, when the academic, Johannes Hausofer, published a CV of events where he had not experienced the success we usually document on a curriculum vitae.  As he pointed out, he was not the first person to do this, and he had been inspired by people like Melanie I Stefan who had done something similar in her paper published in the journal, Nature.

Both Hausofer and Stefan make some good points about the benefits of creating a CV of failure. Making a list like this and sharing it with others can remind us that we are not alone when things don't work out the way they hoped they might. They are also good reminder that our stories of success are only part of the research process (and of life in general). They are a good reminder that if you are learning, it's very likely that you will encounter failure, as it's an inevitable part of the process.

Still when it came to the thought of writing my own CV of failures and making it public, that didn't seem like such an attractive prospect. But here it is:

Tests I failed
1983 - Cycling Proficiency Test
1990 - Driving Test - three times (passed on the 4th attempt)
1990 - AS level Art (well, I did pass, but only with grade E)

Institutions where I applied for a job but was unsuccessful
2000 - University of Sheffield
2002 - University of Nottingham
2007 - Ohio State University
2009 - Aston University

Paper rejections from journals
2015 - New Media & Society
2001 - There is another journal too, one in the field of Medieval literature, where I submitted my first ever academic paper, but I can't remember the title now.

Research Grants which were not funded
2010 - AHRC Research Grant
2014 - AHRC Leadership Fellowship

Which of these 'failures' did I learn the most from?  That would be the process of being a finalist, but not getting hired at Ohio State University.

What did I learn?  First, I was not the best person for that job. Looking back, I can see that the person was appointed was much better qualified than I was at the time, and more importantly, she was also a really great fit for the department at OSU in a way that I was not. I am (hand on heart) so pleased that she got hired.

Hindsight is a wonderful thing, and 10 years later, I have learnt that I did not need to be in that particular post to do the work that I love doing. I've been able to teach other students in other places who I have loved working with, written papers and books, run research projects. In my field, I'm lucky because it's not where I was working that determined my career path. Someone once said to me that the grass is not greener on the 'other side' but it's greener where you water it. For me that has been true.

Third, I've often reflected on the people with whom I have connected over the last 10 years, and whom I would never have encountered if we had gone to Ohio.  There have been many people, some just brief connections, others, much deeper friendships that I would have missed if we had left the UK.  For me, people are so important - people that I work with, that I teach, my friends at church and in our wider community. I'm glad I didn't miss those.

And in hindsight, once the sting of disappointment had faded, I did actually feel incredibly privileged to have experienced the 'job search' experience in the USA. It's so different to how we hire in the UK and it broadened my experience and expectations in a positive way.

I know that I write this from the privileged position of someone who has worked in the academic world for nearly 20 years. Not getting hired can feel very different when there are other economic pressures. I understand that too (our family's story has had those moments in them as well).  And not getting hired when your current work circumstances are difficult or untenable is also a different story. I know that I am not setting out on a career in Higher Education now, where it's much more competitive and precarious than it was twenty years ago. With all that in mind, I'm really quite cautious about publishing this post.

In one of the British news reports where Hausofer was interviewed about this 'CV of Failures', the journalist suggested that it was all very well for Hausofer to be able to write his CV of Failures because he had also experienced success afterwards. I guess you could say the same thing about me. But hopefully, you'll read this post in the spirit in which it was written - to be honest about my own journey so far. To remind myself, if no one else, that there will be other projects, plans or possibilities that don't work out as well as ones that do. And that our 'failures' don't have to be wasted but can become part of our learning process as we keep moving forward.

Here are some questions if you'd like to think more about this for yourself:
1. What would be on your own CV of Failure?
2. Which disappointment in your learning/work life has offered you the most experience for growth?
3. Is it worth being honest about our 'failures'? What can we offer other people by sharing these parts of our story with them?